“What my Alcoholic Father taught me about love”

I spent most of my life being tethered to anger. I was angry at my upbringing, the abuse I had encountered, the neglect, the lack of awareness of how broken and hurt I was, but most of all, I was full of unforgiveness because I grew up with an alcoholic Father. A man filled with rage, the kind where you were scared to do or say a thing around his presence. He was drunk 24/7 and very unpredictable with his behaviors. 

That anger manifested in me by turning to drugs, alcohol and a promiscuous lifestyle. Anything I could do to numb the pain I was in, I was all for it. Now the man I despised, I had become. 

To make a long story short. I ended up in recovery and therapy. My psychiatrist asked me to write a letter of forgiveness to my Dad. Knowing that was where the root of my anger was from. He said I didn’t need to send it, it was really for my healing journey. So I did. I wrote out that 4 page letter! And it felt good to get it all out. I was on non speaking terms with my Dad at this time in my life. I had to to protect myself from extreme abuse and torment. 

But one day I decided to send the letter to my Dad, letting him know I forgave him of everything. You see that letter was the first step to forgiveness. Did I feel forgiveness? No. Did I believe that I forgave him? NO. But once you speak something into existence, it becomes real. And now it starts to settle in your heart and mind a bit more. 

You see, years earlier I had heard about this man that loved me so much that He died for me. And He forgave me of ALL (wow!) my sins. That He was my heavenly Father and excepted me into His Kingdom.

If I surrendered my heart to Him and would allow Him to guide me in life, He would give me the gift of eternal life! The more I learned about this Father in Heaven that cared deeply for me and would wipe away every sin I ever committed, I wanted to be closer to Him and be in relationship with Him. 

So I surrendered my heart to Him and gave Him my entire life away, so I could be with Him forever and ever! This kind of love I had not experienced on earth and it filled my soul with contentment and freedom from my past hurts and addictions. 

So after I wrote that letter and accepted Jesus into my heart, I knew I needed to forgive my Father here on earth for the things I held against him. That if Jesus, Gods son came to earth, in human flesh and chose to die on a cross for my sins, that I too needed to freely give forgiveness to my Dad. 

Was it easy? No. What it worth it? Yes! 

That letter led to my Dad and I having reconciliation and a new relationship. One with boundaries and a loving daughter. I loved that man, even though he still was quit unlovable until the day he passed. He ended up surrendering his heart to the Lord too and was so grieved over his anger problem. He repented of being so angry all the time and for the things he did. He was so broken and lost in his pain that he honestly never really took time to come out of the hell hole he lived in. 

My alcoholic Dad taught me how to love like Jesus loves, how to show up even when it’s not convenient. How to set boundaries in uncomfortable situations and how to show compassion where none is deserved. 

I will never regret loving a man who did not deserve one ounce of it. 

And having that reminder that neither do I but that is the kind of love Jesus offers to us. Unconditional love, unexpected love. It’s the kind of love that we all need in our lives. And the kind we need to give away. I want to encourage you today, to give it away, to love like crazy and in unconventional ways. I promise you, you wont regret it ever! 

The one thing I’ve seen as an ordained minister is when people are near the end of their lives, they often think of their regrets. And voice them and are grieved by their life choices. Who is in your life that you could love better? Be kinder too, even though they don’t deserve it. 

Now I will tell you one last thing. I could never have done this on my own. The only reason I was able to carry out this kind of radical love, is because Jesus lives in my heart! He will guide you in this kind of love. Once you taste this kind of love from Him, you want to give to away! Because there is nothing on this earth that can satisfy you or fill your soul like He can. I know I tired it all. And those choices will leave you feeling empty, used and purposeless. 

So why not surrender it all. And live a life of giving love away! 

#truelove #forgiveness #giveloveaway #valentines

Matthew 6:14 “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

Luke 6:37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT